Praying for others
How to pray for someone
Praying for someone is one of the simplest things a Christian does, and it's also one of the things people feel least sure about. You want to say something that matters, and you're not sure what that is, so you end up saying "Lord, please be with them" and feeling it wasn't quite enough.
It's more than you think. You've brought a person you care about to God by name, and that is the heart of it. Everything below is just ways to fill it out a bit, for different people and different days, with a few short examples you can use as they are or change into your own words.
Start with their name and one thing
The plainest way to pray for someone is to say their name and one thing you'd love for them. That's all. If you know what's going on, pray about that. If you don't, pray for something every person needs: peace, wisdom, to know they're loved.
Lord, I'm praying for Sam today. He's starting the new job on Monday and he's nervous. Help him settle in, and give him one good person there to talk to.
You don't need special words, and you don't need to sound like a vicar. Talk to God the way you'd talk to someone who already knows Sam better than you do, because he does.
When you don't know what they need
Sometimes you're praying for someone you barely know: a name on a church list, a friend of a friend, someone in the news. Or you know them well but have no idea what's really going on inside. Jesus said this about our Father:
Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.
So you don't have to guess. You can simply hand them over.
Father, I don't know what Priya needs today, but you do. Whatever it is, give it to her, and let her know it came from you.
And when you can't find words at all, Paul has good news:
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words.
Borrow the Bible's own prayers
When your own words run dry, the Bible is full of prayers people prayed for each other, and you can pray them over someone by putting their name in. Paul's letters are especially good for this, because so many of them open with what he was asking God for on behalf of his friends.
Here's what he prayed for the church at Colossae:
For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you may walk in a manner worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have full endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the light.
That's a long sentence, but look at what's in it: knowing what God wants, strength, patience, and gladness. It's a lovely thing to ask for anyone who's tired.
In Ephesians he asks for something even deeper, that the people he loves would actually grasp how much Christ loves them:
I ask that out of the riches of His glory He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. Then you, being rooted and grounded in love, will have power, together with all the saints, to comprehend the length and width and height and depth of the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
There's a shorter one earlier in the same letter, in Ephesians 1:16-19, where he prays that "the eyes of your heart may be enlightened". And if you want something short enough to learn by heart, there's the old blessing God gave Aaron to say over the people:
‘May the LORD bless you and keep you; may the LORD cause His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; may the LORD lift up His countenance toward you and give you peace.’
You can pray that over your children at bedtime, over a friend before a flight, or over someone you're too tired to find any other words for.
Praying for someone who's ill
Be honest about what you're asking for. It's right to ask God to heal, and the Bible tells us to. It's also right to ask for the things they need while they wait: sleep, good doctors, someone to sit with them, less pain today than yesterday.
Lord, Mark is in hospital and he's frightened. Please heal him. Give the doctors clear heads, give him a good night's sleep, and let him feel you there when the ward goes quiet.
There's a whole page of these in prayers for a sick friend.
Praying for someone who's grieving
People who've lost someone usually don't need explanations. They need company, and they need to be held up when they can't hold themselves up.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted; He saves the contrite in spirit.
Lord, Ruth's dad died last week and she's barely sleeping. Stay close to her. Get her through the paperwork and the phone calls, and give her people who'll still ask how she is in three months.
The old prayers for those who grieve are worth reading too. People have been praying these words for a long time.
Praying for someone who's far from God
Maybe it's a son who stopped coming to church, a friend who says it's all nonsense, a parent who used to believe. It's easy to turn these prayers into a list of what they should be doing. Try praying for them the way you'd want to be prayed for.
Lord, I love Dan, and so do you. Wherever he is with you, meet him there. Put kind Christians in his way, and help me be one of them rather than one more person telling him what to do.
These are often the prayers you pray for years. Keep going.
Praying for someone you're cross with
This one is hard, and there's no shortcut. Jesus said:
bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
You don't have to feel warm to obey that. Start with the truth: Lord, I'm angry with Claire. Then ask for one good thing for her, even if you say it through gritted teeth. Bless her today. And help me not to keep replaying what she said. Most people find that praying for someone regularly makes it very hard to stay furious with them, though it can take a while.
If you've done something wrong too, say that as well. It's a lot easier to forgive when you're also asking to be forgiven.
Should you tell them you prayed?
Usually, yes. It means a lot to people to hear that someone brought them to God, and it doesn't need to be a big announcement. A text is enough: "Prayed for you this morning. Hope today's a bit easier." Paul did this in letter after letter, telling people he was praying for them and what he was asking.
I thank my God every time I remember you. In every prayer for all of you, I always pray with joy,
You can also ask, "Is there anything you'd like me to pray about?" Lots of people will tell you something real if you ask gently, and then you'll know what to pray next time.
There are times not to say it. Someone who's angry with God may hear "I'm praying for you" as a judgement, and it can sound like a brush-off if it's all you offer someone who needs a meal cooked. In those cases pray anyway, and show up in other ways.
Making it a habit
The hardest part of praying for people is remembering to. Writing them down helps more than anything, and a simple weekly list stops it getting heavy; there's a whole article on prayer list ideas if you'd like a shape for one. In Mutter you can keep that list on your phone, and the people you haven't prayed for in a while come up first.
Questions
Do I have to pray out loud for someone?
No. Praying in your head counts just as much. Some people find saying it under their breath helps them stay focused, and it's lovely to pray out loud with someone if they'd like you to, but God hears either way.
How long should a prayer for someone be?
As long as it needs to be. One honest sentence is a real prayer. Longer prayers are good when you have the time, but don't let the lack of time stop you praying at all.
What if I said I'd pray and then forgot?
Pray now. Then write their name down somewhere you'll see it. Everybody forgets sometimes, and the best fix is a list you actually look at.