From Story
15 funny Bible stories, told by the people who were there
The Bible is a serious book, and it's also full of people being people. A girl so excited she forgets to open the door. A general offended by a bath. A preacher who goes on so long someone falls out of a window. In Mutter's Story, the people in the Bible post about what happened, in plain words, and every post links to the verses it comes from. Here are fifteen of the funniest moments, shown as the posts themselves.
Where these come from. Story is part of Mutter, a free iPhone prayer app we make, and it's free to read on this site with no sign-up. The posts are retellings, not quotations: tap ‘Open the thread’ to read each one with the Bible verses beside it (Berean Standard Bible). We've left out the crude and violent ‘funny’ stories other lists use.
1 Jacob wakes up married to the wrong sister
Seven years. The wedding feast. And in the morning: it’s Leah.
Genesis 29:21–25
It’s not done round here, marrying off the younger before the firstborn. Finish the wedding week with this one, and you can have Rachel as well. For another seven years’ work, mind.
Genesis 29:26–27
Fine. Seven more years.
Genesis 29:28–30
Jacob worked seven years to marry Rachel. After the wedding feast, in the dark, Laban gave him Leah instead. Jacob, who once tricked his own father, has met his match.
Open the thread in Story · Genesis 29:21–30
2 Moses asks God to send someone else
Then I actually said it. “Please, Lord. Send someone else.”
Exodus 4:13
God was angry with me. Fair.
Exodus 4:14
Then he said my brother Aaron is a good speaker. Aaron will do the talking. He’s already on his way to meet me.
Exodus 4:14–16
At the burning bush Moses runs out of excuses and just says it. God gets angry, and then sends Aaron to help: both at once.
Open the thread in Story · Exodus 4:10–16
3 The first review of manna
we’re calling it manna. tastes like wafers made with honey. honestly not bad
Exodus 16:31
They ate it for forty years.
Exodus 16:35
Bread from heaven, every morning, in the desert. The Bible's own description: it tasted like wafers made with honey. Not bad at all, for forty years.
Open the thread in Story · Exodus 16:31–35
4 Free grapes, no baskets
Walking through your neighbour’s vineyard? Eat all the grapes you want. Just don’t bring a basket.
Deuteronomy 23:24
Noted. No basket.
Deuteronomy 23:24
A real law from Deuteronomy: you may eat your fill in your neighbour's vineyard, but you can't take any away. Kind and practical at the same time.
Open the thread in Story · Deuteronomy 23:24
5 Gideon asks for a sign, then asks again
Asked God for a sign: wet fleece, dry ground. Got it. Then, sorry, asked for the opposite. Please don't be angry with me. Got that too.
Judges 6:36–40
Gideon puts out a fleece. God answers. Gideon, very politely, asks for the opposite. God answers again. Patience with a nervous man.
Open the thread in Story · Judges 6:36–40
6 Saul goes looking for donkeys and finds a crown
Asked a man at the gate where the seer lived. Turns out he was the seer. Said the donkeys had turned up. Then said all Israel’s hopes are on me and my family. Sorry, what?
1 Samuel 9:18–20
I said: me? I’m from Benjamin, the smallest tribe, and my clan’s the least in it. Why say that to me?
1 Samuel 9:21
Saul set out to find his father's lost donkeys. The prophet Samuel tells him the donkeys are fine, and that all Israel is waiting for him.
Open the thread in Story · 1 Samuel 9:18–21
7 Naaman is offended by a simple instruction
Turned up at the prophet’s door with all my horses and chariots. He didn’t even come out. Sent a messenger: go and wash seven times in the Jordan. Unbelievable. I thought he’d at least come out, stand there, call on the name of the LORD his God and wave his hand over the spot. Aren’t the rivers of Damascus better than all the water in Israel? Couldn’t I have washed in those?
2 Kings 5:9–12
Sir, if the prophet had told you to do something big, you’d have done it, wouldn’t you? All he’s saying is wash and be clean.
2 Kings 5:13
Went down and dipped myself in the Jordan seven times, like the man of God said. My skin’s like a little boy’s. I’m clean.
2 Kings 5:14
A great general expects a grand healing and is told to go and wash in a muddy river. His servants talk him round, and it works.
Open the thread in Story · 2 Kings 5:9–14
8 Nathanael is not impressed by Nazareth
Nathanael. Dude. We've found him. The one Moses and the prophets wrote about. Jesus of Nazareth, Joseph's son.
John 1:45
Nazareth? Can anything good come out of Nazareth?
John 1:46
Liked by Jesus
Come and see.
John 1:46
Philip is bursting with news. Nathanael's reply is the Bible's most famous put-down of a town. In Story, Jesus likes the post. Read on in John 1 and you'll see why.
Open the thread in Story · John 1:45–49
9 The wedding that saved the best wine for last
Running the feast at this wedding in Cana. Just tasted what they brought me. Normally you serve the good wine first, and the cheap stuff once everyone's had plenty. This lot have kept the best till now. Where on earth did it come from?
John 2:9–10
The servants knew. They'd drawn it from the water jars.
John 2:9
Jesus' first sign, seen by the man running the party. He has no idea where the good wine came from. The servants do.
Open the thread in Story · John 2:1–11
10 A coin in a fish's mouth
Tax collectors asked me if our teacher pays the temple tax. I said yes. Then, I kid you not, he sends me fishing: take the first fish I catch, open its mouth, and there’ll be a coin in there. Enough for his tax and mine.
Matthew 17:24–27
Peter is asked about the temple tax and promises it'll be paid. Jesus sends him fishing for it. Peter, telling the story, can hardly believe it himself.
Open the thread in Story · Matthew 17:24–27
11 The young man who ran off without his clothes
They grabbed me too. I was only wearing a linen sheet. They kept the sheet. They did not keep me.
Mark 14:51–52
We have the sheet.
Mark 14:51–52
On the night Jesus was arrested, a young man following him was grabbed and slipped out of the linen cloth he was wearing. Only Mark tells us, in two verses.
Open the thread in Story · Mark 14:51–52
12 John would like you to know he won the race
Mary Magdalene just burst in. Someone’s taken the Lord out of the tomb. Peter and I are running.
John 20:2–3
Outran Peter. Got there first.
John 20:4
He stopped at the entrance, bless him. I went straight in.
John 20:5–6
Linen strips lying there. The cloth from his head folded up on its own, separate. Then I went in too. I saw, and I believed.
John 20:6–8
On Easter morning Peter and John ran to the tomb. John, who wrote it down, makes sure we know he got there first, and that Peter went in first.
Open the thread in Story · John 20:2–8
13 Rhoda leaves Peter knocking at the gate
Loads of us were at Mary’s house, John Mark’s mum, praying for Peter, because Herod’s got him in prison. Someone knocked at the gate and I went to answer. I knew that voice. It was literally Peter! I was so happy I ran back in to tell everyone and completely forgot to open the gate.
Acts 12:12–14
In our defence, we told her she was out of her mind. Then we decided it must be his angel.
Acts 12:15
Meanwhile I’m still out there. Knocking.
Acts 12:16
We finally opened the gate. It was him. None of us could believe it.
Acts 12:16
The church is praying for Peter to get out of prison. He gets out and knocks. Rhoda is so happy she forgets to open the door, and nobody believes her.
Open the thread in Story · Acts 12:12–16
14 Eutychus nods off during a very long sermon
Paul talked until midnight. I was sitting in the window, three floors up. I fell asleep. Then I fell.
Acts 20:7–9
He was picked up dead. Paul went down, threw his arms round him: “Don’t be alarmed. He’s alive.” Then Paul went back upstairs, broke bread, ate, and kept talking until dawn. They took the young man home alive, and everyone was hugely comforted.
Acts 20:9–12
Paul preached until midnight. A young man in the window fell asleep and fell three floors. Paul brought him back to life, then carried on talking until dawn.
Open the thread in Story · Acts 20:7–12
15 The riot where nobody knew why they were there
The whole city poured into the theatre. Some people shouting one thing, some another. Most of us had no idea why we were even there. Then for about two hours everyone just chanted, “Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!”
Acts 19:29–34
I asked everyone to calm down. These men have neither robbed our temple nor insulted our goddess. If Demetrius has a complaint, the courts are open. As things stand, we are at risk of being charged with rioting over today. Meeting dismissed.
Acts 19:35–41
Silversmiths in Ephesus stirred up the city against Paul. Luke notes that most of the crowd didn't know why they had come, and they shouted for two hours anyway.
Open the thread in Story · Acts 19:23–41
Story, by numbers
Story is the whole Bible told as 7,515 posts and replies by 964 people, from Genesis to Revelation, in Bible order. A few things we found when we counted:
- 2,762 replies. Moses replies more than anyone, usually to explain what just happened.
- The biggest thread is the girl on the door on the night of Jesus' arrest (John 18:15–17), with 8 replies. Everyone has something to say about Peter.
- The most-quoted post is Nathan's promise to David (2 Samuel 7:4–5), quoted 6 times by later posts. A promise the rest of the Bible keeps coming back to.
- Likes are rare: only 27 posts have one. Jesus gives 12 of them, including to Nathanael's joke about Nazareth and to Peter's denial. Make of that what you will; we think it's grace.
How we chose
We looked for moments that make people smile and that are really there in the text, not jokes about it. Each is a short thread from Story as it is in the app on 1 October 2026, with the reference so you can read the passage. We skipped the stories that are only funny if you're laughing at someone's suffering.
Spotted a mistake? Email hello@trymutter.com.
Read Story on the web, from the beginning or by event or theme.